Hey, Kos, Buy Some Bigger F*cking Tubes!

Remember primary day back in August, when Kos's tubes got all clogged up with everyone wanting the latest numbers from precinct 23 in Dingleberry, CT, or whatever?  Well, what's going to happen come Tuesday night?  If Kos's tubes aren't up to snuff, none of us are going to be able to get our Internets.  And it's not like we can just dump it all in a truck.  You can try, but it won't work.

So Kos, be a buddy and get bigger tubes.

We're going to need long tubes, too, because there's the Tester race in Montana and all the other really safe Republican districts in Wyoming and Idaho that are going to turn blue.  I estimate we need one extra-large tube that goes from St. Louis due west.  We can have smaller tubes going from that one really big one to all those places.  But here on the East Coast, we're going to need a lot of tubes.  We need one dedicated tube each for CT, VA, and TN.  Another tube with a Y-connection should be able to serve for PA and OH.  The really big one--the one going west--will be good for MO.  Hey, let's call it Big Mo.  It'll be a fun play on words we can enjoy throughout the evening.

Some other funny names would be Boob Tube, which we could use either for the VA tube or the one heading to Florida, and the Lube Tube, for PA, of course.  (Hey, guys!  I just found out the Lube Tube has some Santorum on it.  That's why it's running slow.)  We could also have the Doob Tube, for Sweeney and his frat buds in NY.  And the Pube Tube for CT, 'cause Lieberman is the biggest dick on the planet.

And, just to make sure we're getting the latest spin from the White House, we'll need the Rube Tube.

I'm not sure how many tubes that is all told, Kos, in part because I don't know how many tubes you already have for your Internets.  I looked on the The Google but it didn't know.  But please, there are a few million of us that want to PAR TAY Tuesday night, and a right proper dKos par tay is going to require a lot of tubes.  Big tubes.